What to Say in a Sympathy Card – Your Ultimate Guide

Here are a few key tips to help guide you in crafting a message that feels personal, respectful, and compassionate:

One way to approach composing a note in your sympathy card is to let your relationship with the bereaved guide the sentiments you express. Think about how you normally talk with the person. Do you use a formal or informal tone? What kinds of words would come up in a typical conversation? How close is the relationship? Use these examples as a source of inspiration.

For a Friend or Acquaintance

For a Family Member

For a Friend or Acquaintance

Sharing a memory shows the person grieving that you truly knew and appreciated their loved one. It reinforces the idea that the deceased’s legacy continues through the memories shared by family and friends. Mention a moment of kindness, a shared laugh, or an admirable quality. These personal stories can bring both comfort and a sense of peace to the bereaved.

Examples:

Respecting Beliefs:

If you know the family’s faith, a religious message can bring comfort. Avoid religious phrases if you’re unsure of their beliefs.

Examples:

While the loss of anyone we love is painful, for a bereaved, grief may cut differently according to the age and the nature of the relationship with the person who has passed. It's a good idea, therefore, to try to write a note in your sympathy card that matches the moment. To inspire you, here are some examples of messages for specific situations.

Loss of a Parent

Loss of a Child

Loss of a Partner or Spouse

Loss of a Pet

When writing a sympathy card, it’s important to choose words that offer comfort and support without unintentionally causing more pain. Certain phrases — no matter how well-intentioned — can come across as overly simplistic or dismissive of the powerful emotions that are a natural part of grieving. Here are some common things to avoid saying in a sympathy card to ensure your message is thoughtful, respectful, and sensitive to the grieving person’s feelings.

Overly Positive Phrases

Why to avoid it : While this may be meant to comfort, it can feel dismissive of the pain someone is experiencing. Not everyone finds solace in the perspectives represented by these words. Also, these statements can be experienced as minimizing the depth of the bereaved’s loss by implying there’s a greater purpose that’s more important than the grief those left behind are feeling. This may not resonate with everyone, especially in moments of profound sadness.

Comparisons

Why to avoid it: Even if you’ve experienced a similar loss, grief is personal. It can vary widely from person to person. Statements like these may unintentionally invalidate the uniqueness of the bereaved’s grief. They may even be experienced as competitive.

Unsolicited Advice

A well-chosen closing statement or phrase can leave the grieving person with a sense of warmth and support, letting them know they are not alone in their grief. Here are some examples of thoughtful closing statements that convey compassion and care:

Examples: